Remember the old gas cans we used to have? The EPA ruins everything.

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Troy is throwing a bullshit flag.

Anyone remember when you used to have a nozzle on a gas can where you could simply open the cap and pour gas out of it? If you were in a hurry you could pop out the small vent tab in the can to allow air in and make it pour faster. Now, we have these shitty, plastic twist-turn, extend-contract, contrapations that have inspired me to reach new heights of profanity while trying to fill my push mower. They are way worse than child proof medication bottles. Whats worse, they invariably leak gas everywhere. Three cans in five years, they all end up leaking within a few weeks.

So, there I am cleaning gas off my hands, after spreading sawdust over yet another gas spill on my garage floor. I start to wonder who the fucks bright idea it was to fix something that wasn't broke? Wasn't a simple cap and hose good enough? I looked at the can and saw the words "EPA compliant." So I got on the web and learned more about evaporation loss with low boiling point liquids, how the old system vented gas to air, and how this evaporative loss was a legitimate problem. I learned how stopping it can save me gas and therefore save me money.

Then I went back out to the garage and looked at the gas spill. I stood there and looked at the epa label telling me how its saving gas, then I looked back at the gas spill.

I stood there for a solid two minutes appreciating the irony. I went in and poured myself a glass of wine to savor the moment.

Its bullshit. Its not working. Three in five years might be a small sample group, but I'm guessing everyone who actually has to pour gas knows they are not working. However, nothing will be done about it. Say something negative, (or positive) about the EPA and watch everyone obsessed with politics turn on you like rabid dogs.

I went and bought a funnel. Unfortunately, its an EPA-approved funnel with several moving parts, so it will probably leak by the end of the month too.

I came home from the store with the EPA funnel and had a second glass of wine. I listened to some Delibes, "The Flower duet" while I contemplated and enjoyed my afternoon.

I get why Nero fiddled while Rome burned. I really get it. The thing about it is this: Rome got exactly what it deserved. Why should he have tried to stop it?

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